Santa Or Satan Essays - Santa Claus, Christian Folklore

Santa Clause Or Satan? To Whom It May Concern: I lament to advise you that, as of now, I will not, at this point have the option to serve Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Because of the staggering current populace of the earth, my agreement was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. I currently serve just certain zones of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin and Michigan. As a major aspect of the new and better agreement I likewise get longer breaks for milk and treats so remember that. In any case, I'm sure that your kids will be in acceptable hands with your neighborhood substitution who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my objective of conveying toys to all the great young men and young ladies; be that as it may, there are a couple of contrasts between us. Contrasts Such As: There is no peril of a Grinch taking your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a firearm rack on his sleigh and a guard sticker that peruses: These toys safeguarded by Smith and Wesson. Rather than milk and treats, Bubba Claus inclines toward that youngsters leave a RC cola and pork skins [or a moon pie] on the chimney. Also, Bubba doesn't smoke a funnel. He plunges somewhat snuff however, so please have an unfilled spit can helpful. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flying' coon hounds rather than reindeer. I wrongly loaned him two or three my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head currently neglects Bubba's chimney. You won't hear On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen... when Bubba Claus shows up. Rather, you'll hear, On Earnhardt, on Wallace, on Martin and Labonte. On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliott and Petty. Ho, ho, ho! has been supplanted by Yee Haw! What's more, you likewise are probably going to hear Bubba's mythical beings react, I her'd dat! As required by Southern roadway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh has a Yosemite Sam security triangle on the back with the words Back off. The last I heard it additionally had different enhancements on the sleigh back too. One is Ford or Chevy logo with lights that race through the letters and the other is a cartoon of me (Santa Claus) going potty on the Tooth Fairy. The typical Christmas film works of art, for example, Miracle on 34th Street and It's a Wonderful Life won't be appeared in your arranged review zone. Rather, you'll see Boss Hogg Saves Christmas and Smokey and the Bandit IV including Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and many state watch vehicles colliding with one another. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. On the off chance that I were you, I'd ensure you, the spouse, and the children turn the other way when he twists around to put presents under the tree. Lastly, flawless Christmas tunes have been sung about me like Rudolph The Red-nosed Reindeer and Bing Crosby's Santa Claus Is Coming to Town. This year tunes about Bubba Claus will be played on all the AM radio broadcasts in the South. Those tune title will be Mark Chesnutt's Bubba Claus Shot the Jukebox; Cledus T. Judd's All I Want for Christmas Is My Woman and a Six Pack, and Hank Williams Jr's. If You Don't Like Bubba Claus, You can push It. Earnestly Yours, Santa Clause Claus Individual from North American Fairies and Elves Local 209 Catalog none Heavenly Issues